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Post by fran on Jan 11, 2010 19:57:25 GMT -5
She said
It's
hard to talk to me because of my sorrow for Dian.
I don't cry when we talk, I just talk of Dian when I want to bring her up.
I was so hurt she said that to me, It's only been 8 weeks now.
Now I'm mad and don't want to talk to her for a while
Hugs
Fran
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Post by Ruth on Jan 12, 2010 8:29:46 GMT -5
Try not to be hurt Frannie......Most times people feel very uncomfortable talking to someone who has lost a dear one......
It's almost the same as talking to someone who has cancer.
I'm sure every lady here at FIT has experienced people and friends shying away because they just don't know what to say. We've had many discussions on this same subject.
8 weeks is NOT a long time and you have a perfect right to mourn for as long as you need.
Hugs,
Ruth
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Post by coyotecourageous on Jan 12, 2010 9:50:29 GMT -5
Perhaps your sister didn't mean to be selfish. Maybe she is acknowledging your pain and her inability to comfort you. If she is not able to support you, you know that you can come here. Hugs, Coyote
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Post by fran on Jan 12, 2010 12:33:50 GMT -5
THANK YOU RUTH AND COYOTO, I THINK YOU RIGHT, BUT AS FOR ME, I ALWAYS LET PEOPLE SHARE THEIR SORROW WITH ME. MY SISTER WAS JUST IN ONE OF HER MOODS.\
i'm so grateful for fit, you all make me feel much better.
it's just odd how people talk to me about life and they never say , how are you doing? I do have a lady friend who hugs me everytime she see's me and she doesn't have to say a word, i just know she wants me out of heartache pain and that is so much comfort to me.
I love you guys xxxoooo
FRAN
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Post by Grits on Jan 13, 2010 22:20:29 GMT -5
Hi Fran Sweetie...when my son died I completely withdrew into myself, didn't talk to anyone, just shut the world out...that was not a good thing to do...my mom finally insisted I see a Dr and when I started my visits with her she made me realize that the best way to heal yourself is usually to talk about it and accept the help that comes with sharing...you just keep on sharing your thoughts Fran, your Dian is so much a part of your heart...there's no timetable on grieving and we're all here for you! Hopefully your sister will realize your need for a good shoulder and come around! By the way, I'm a little jealous of the lady that gets all the hugs...I'd really love to be able to hug you myself and tell you that with time there's "scar tissue" that forms around your broken heart...it helps to make it stronger if not entirely healed. We really never get over losing our babies...but we put one foot in front of the other every day and live life as best we can........hugs your way my friend...Jane
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Post by cara3 on Jan 14, 2010 18:23:11 GMT -5
Fran,
Sometimes when we are the ones who actually need comforting, we end up having to comfort everyone else. Your sister may need reasurance that you are doing well and not suffering too much. Please don't be too angry at her. Family is so very important.
It may help you to know that I felt grief with you as you were going through the journey with Dian.
Ruth is right. People often shy away from someone in pain. I lost my best friend when I discovered I had cancer.
May you feel God walking beside you. The peace. The comfort. The hope. The love.
Kitty
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Post by fran on Jan 14, 2010 19:06:42 GMT -5
Thanks Jane & Kitty, I'm really trying not to talk about my Dian to anyone now. Seems I must go through my tears alone, but one person understands and I call him whenever I need to is jeff, Dian's husband, he is the same as me, he feels no one wants to talk of her anymore. I don't cry as often, but when I'm alone the tears flow, I don't sleep good, so I spend the aawake hours with Dian. Sandy says she thinks of her everyday but can't talk about her grief. FRANK KISSES ME MORE OFTEN AND THAT'S HIS WAY OF MAKING ME FEEL MORE LOV. tHIS fit BOARD HAS HELPED ME SO MUCH AND i APPRECIATE YOU ALL SO MUCH. mY bIRTHDAY IS ON THE 23RD AND SO IS dIAN'S, IT'S GOING TO BE ROUGH CAUSE i CALLED HER EVERY YEAR IN THE MORNING EARLY. bUT NOT ANYMORE, BUT I WILL CHECK IN HERE WITH YOU ALL TO GET ME THROUGH THAT DAY. i lOVE YOU ALL FOR YOUR SUPPORT AND pRAYERS. jANE, i'M SO SORRY FOR YOUR LOSS, WE LOST fRANK'S SON 7 YEARS AGO AND WE STILL CRY FOR dAVID, BUT NOW HE & dIAN ARE FLYING UP THERE TOGETHER.... gOD bLESS, lOVE \ fRAN Attachments:
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Post by coyotecourageous on Jan 14, 2010 22:33:48 GMT -5
Please don't stop talking about Dian. do it here if you feel like no one else is listening. We hear you and care about you, even when we don't reply. We're with you on the 23rd. Hugs, Coyote
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Post by fran on Jan 15, 2010 22:02:29 GMT -5
aWE cOYOTE,
yOU MADE MY hEART SING WITH JOY!! tHANK yOU!!
ok, i WILL ALWAYS SPEAK OF dIAN HERE, SHE IS ON MY MIND EACH DAY AND BOY i SURE MISS TALKING TO HER ON THE PHONE. wE SHARED SO MUCH TOGETHER THROUGH HER LIFE. i WAS ALWAYS SO PROUD OF HER AND HER BEAUTY WAS SUCH A GIFT, SHE NEVER THOUGHT SHE WAS PRETTY, BUT i ALWAYS COMMENTED TO HER ABOUT HER INSIDWEE BEAUTY.
Oops! sorry about the caps..
Today sandy got a B-Day card and letter from my sister, Sandy's B-day is the 30th. It read very nice compliments about Sandy and how God loves her and she will have a wonderful new life. She just devorced her hubby so she is out there with good friends and having good times.
My sister may be getting confused on dates, so It's ok, I;'m glad she wrote Sandy.
My Heart goes out to Haiti people, just so very sad. Please God help them more.....
Big Hugs
Fran
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Post by pam on Jan 17, 2010 18:31:43 GMT -5
Fran sorry to hear your sister hurt you but I am sure she didn't mean to.I know what you are going through but do talk about Dian.My family talks about things Dad did an that helps us.It likes he still here even though he is gone.Everyone else is correct just come on here and talk about her.That is good you and Jeff can talk about her I am sure its hard for him and I will keep ypou both in my prayers.Pam
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Post by fran on Jan 17, 2010 18:54:55 GMT -5
Thanks Pam. I talked with her today and didn't mention Dian and she didn't either, so It was kind of uncomfortable, I had to watch what I'd say. It's like we talk about everything in her daily life, she has 5 grandkids and I have none. She just talks about all the cute things she shares with them and how Blessed she is, , well i'm happy for her, but we don't have much in common really. Today is 9 weeks since we lost our Dian and sometimes I even miss here more. What's so weird is when we get this cold snowy weather, i worry if she is warm enough, isn't that nutys? I guess us Mom's still want to fuss about our kids even if they have passed..... Poor Frank he never talks about her, we are alone here most days so i don't have anyone to chat with. Sandy works and on her days off she goes put with her friends. Anyway, Thank You all for putting up with me. Have a nice week, Love & prayers Fran Attachments:
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Post by coyotecourageous on Jan 18, 2010 8:33:31 GMT -5
Fran, Have you read a book called The Shack? I havent quite finished it, but my younger daughter says it is her view of a relationship with God. In the book, a man learns that we should have a relationship with God, Jesus, and the Holy Spirit as friends....not a scary, angry, God nor a Jesus that we go to only in times of need. As part of meeting them as friends, eternity is spent in a place with beautyand comfort, much like the beauty of our earth today.
The streets of gold are in a ceremonial place not used for every day....so Im sure Dian is warm enough. She is with friends now.
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Post by fran on Jan 27, 2010 20:55:01 GMT -5
My sister said I need to go back to Catholic church, especially now. I left the church yrs ago, but still believe in God.
My sister said she will pray that Dian will go to heaven,but she is in purgatory.
Dian never went to Catholic religeon, but she believe in God, she studied many different faiths, but just always said she was spiritual.
I don't want to talk religeon, but I think my sister is wrong to say this. She said my Mom went to heaven because she died with a rosary in her hands.
I don't want to talk to my sister for a while.
Thanks ,
Fran
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Post by Grits on Jan 28, 2010 19:20:03 GMT -5
Fran, Sweetie...I am a devout practicing Catholic and I am very surprised at what your sister said to you. I'm NOT going to get into a discussion of Religion but I do want to say that you continue to take one day at a time, stay strong and BELIEVE that Dian is now in the arms of Our Savior and knows the kind of love and joy that we can only imagine. My prayers are still with you and your family...much love my friend, Jane
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Post by fran on Jan 29, 2010 13:06:38 GMT -5
Oh you can imagine if you knew my Sister. AMEN!!
But I'm not going to let her bring me down, I know Dian is with our Lord and she is Happy.
Thanks for the Prayers and support. It means a lot to me and my Family.
Love
Francie
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Post by Ruth on Jan 29, 2010 20:32:51 GMT -5
Frannie,
I am a Catholic also....... I hate to say this, but your sister is the kind of "catholic" who gives Catholics a bad name..........and any other religeon...........
The G-d that I believe in takes all of his children into his arms and cherishes them.........and I TRULY believe that is where your Dian is right now...In the arms of G-d......Looking down on all of us and shaking her head that you sister is being so cruel to you........
I am not trying to judge, but I believe that your sister is speaking out of ignorance and HER belief that G-d is not loving and forgiving but harsh....I just don't believe that....
You go Grits....You are speaking my words too........
Hugs and Love,
Ruth
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Post by fran on Jan 30, 2010 21:22:40 GMT -5
I won't defend her, but i will give you some of her background.
She became a Nun back in 1956 and was in there 15 yrs, she finally left the convent and was a cyco mess for a while and then aftter she went through some juvinile ways, she met her husband and got married & had 2 kids and now a grandma of 5.
She kept her Catholic Faith and follows it by the book, so she says.
I was a fallen Catholic after I married Frank, he was a Cath. to but non practicing, so we married out of the church. My sister gave me a very hard time back then to.
None of her kids are religeon.They suffer for it listening to her preaching.
If I ever went back , it would be Catholic. But I don't think that's in the cards anymore. I tried to be a good person , wife and Mother the past 50 yrs. I know God Loves me just the way I am!!!
Other news:
My sweet Brother called a minute ago, he just learned about Dian's passing, he was sooo sorry for her and us. he knew she had the bad cancer before. He & his wife are living in Mexxxick south of matzolon, sorry for bad spelling..
They will be home in May, they have a home i So CA> I miss him and hope to see them this summer.
Thanks my friends, talking about this really helps me.
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